Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
