Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize