Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
