Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
