I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
