So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize