First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
