I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
