I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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