He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
