Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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