Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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