if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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