It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We need to get me chipped asap
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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