you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
