maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
