It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize