This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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