Where did you get a picture of my penis
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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