eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
