i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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