I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize