I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
