I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
