if you like me you must not know who I am
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
