ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
