Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
