Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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