So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
