So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
