and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
