if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
