the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
