I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize