living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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