Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
