an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize