True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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