I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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