It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
