I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
only you would photoshop your dick
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
