Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
