whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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