her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
