thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
