We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
