Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
