me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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