youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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