it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You ate ashes out of my bong
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I enjoy the company of your penis
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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