if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
