You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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