my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
