I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
