whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
