Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
