i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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