I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize