gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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