I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
