And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
