so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
