I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
