Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
