im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Welp...herpes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't deserve a penis
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
