i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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