How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
