still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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