There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
