New invention idea: vibrating tampons
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
