When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
