I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize