I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
