I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
