Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
