Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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