I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
