this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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