I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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