life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize